Brett Favre signing with the Vikings hit the news wires a week ago now. That’s one full week of overflowing garbage cans of meaningless conversation, dumpster piles of speculation and landfills of excitement. It’s time to take a real look at the impact of this signing. Brett Favre signing with the Vikings is a bargain basement deal for a franchise in desperate need of a publicity push. The 12 million dollar contract paid for itself in the first 3 days of coverage.
Favre jerseys on websites and in local Minnesota shops instantly improved those profit lines by 150% in the first three days. Ticket sales skyrocketed over the last week, both season and individual game seats. National media coverage will buy the contracts for our games to be televised to a broader market as well as having headlining highlights on national sports broadcasts. All this exposure allowing for more profits to the Vikings, Minnesota, and ultimately allowing the Minnesota fans to get the new Vikings stadium they have been waiting for.
Now let’s look at the on field angle. The offensive game should be impressive as well as the defensive game, however, it is hard to rule the Vikings favorites in the NFC. The prospect of having Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor running behind a Bryant McKinnie and Steve Hutchinson wall, while having a quarterback able to throw more than a screen pass, 5 yard out route, or a bootleg rollout is something Vikings fans have not had in a long time. Anyone can tell you, a capable quarterback that can read defenses and throw the ball over the middle of the field and to the outside past 15 yards is something Minnesota has needed. Favre, plus Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice and Visanthe Shiancoe has a standard versatility to keep defensives on their heels with the running game occupying their minds first. The offensive line has some new additions, but veterans Artis Hicks, Anthony Herrera, Ryan Cook, Hutchinson and McKinnie should be a stable unit with rookie Phil Loadholt coming in for relief. The offense as a whole will be dominating in the running game and has the potential for an explosive passing game when necessary.
The defense could even be improved over its impressive 2008. Pat and Kevin Williams form the best interior in football and with Fred Evans and former number one pick Jimmy Kennedy filling in gaps, the Vikes are insured. Jared Allen, Ray Edwards and Brian Robison on the outside give consistent pressure to allow the LB to move in and out of the box freely. EJ Henderson returns from injury, Chad Greenway is now two years removed from surgery, to go along with stable veteran Ben Leber. Perennial pro bowler Antoine Winfield returns with more experienced Cedric Griffin and Marcus McCauley to play opposite and nickel respectively. Madieu Williams and Tyrell Johnson have the power and speed to play strong and free safety in a system like ours, dominated by a heavy front line force. The defense shows little weakness with strong rotations on the front line, athletic linebackers and a hard hitting secondary.
The paper trail looks great for the Vikings in 2009-2010. The two problems are, one, the old sports cliché “The games aren’t played on paper”, and, two, we don’t know what Brad Childress is capable of with a fully loaded gun. For years, he has developed this system around the limitations of his quarterback. Calling bootlegs, screens and three step drops to limit mistakes. This is what I thought, but now, without that handicap, we will actually see if that was Childress just calling plays designed for the talent he had on the field or if he has a poor play calling and in game coaching ability. Childress has called a 3 yard hook route on a third and 8 many times, and heard the “boos” from the crowd in the Metrodome. The Vikings success is not so much determined by the talent on the field, but the director instructing that talent.
No longer can Vikings fans look at their team and wish for a better quarterback, defensive end, wide receiver or any other position as they have for many years. Now, all the pieces are in place and we can really see if we have a coach capable of leading a team to victories. Will we have a masterpiece of performances like The Godfather, brought together perfectly by Francis Ford Coppola? Will we have a talented group fall short due like in Suicide Kings, with the director Peter O'Fallon being unable to capture the potential talents? Brad Childress gets to put on his directors pants for this year with no excuses. The budget is there, the talent is there, the story is already written in the heads of both Vikings fans and the national media. After years of failure, including four super bowl losses, the Minnesota Vikings can reach the summit on the back of a living football legend.
These questions will be revealed to us each week beginning September 13th and we are all anxious to see the results. In the meantime, the one thing we do know for sure is that Brett Favre signing with the Vikings brings dollars to Minnesota, brings exposure to Minnesota, and brings hopes of football’s future in Minnesota.
- J Filth
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Watch the Implosion of Baseball’s First Team!
The Cincinnati Red Stockings were our first professional team way back in 1869. They have had many years of success, the largest of which was the 1970’s Reds. The Big Red Machine was sold for spare parts years ago. Joe Morgan was sold to Disney/ESPN for future considerations (100 season tickets and 2 national broadcasts per year). Ken Griffey was sold for a player to be named later (his first born). Johnny Bench was sold outright for the royalties earned in The Baseball Bunch television show and two dozen boxes of Krylon spray paint. Pete Rose was sold to Las Vegas for 14% of the profits from his memorabilia business and a lifetime suite for Schottzie, the St. Bernard of then owner Marge Schott.
Shortly after the sale of Pete Rose, Mrs. Schott and Sweet Lou Piniella put together a winner in Cincinnati. In 1990, a surprisingly athletic, running team headlined by their 3 headed hydra of a bullpen, won the World Series. Steady players of their generation Barry Larkin, Paul O’Neill and Eric Davis were the stars, with a supporting cast of Chris Sabo and Mariano Duncan. The only ace of the staff was Jose Rijo. Tom Browning had a nice year, but was far from dominant. The playoffs were the place where the tri-fecta of Rob Dibble, Norm Charlton and Randy Myers would shine the Cincinnati sun in the eyes of the opposing batters. This was the Reds last great highlight, the city of Cincinnati is forced to look back positively on the departed Mrs. Schott, Schottzie and all of her bigotry. The last 20 years of Reds baseball has been one baffling blunder after another in terms of organizational management, and on field management.
Yesterday, Johnny Cueto was put on the disabled list. Two weeks ago, they traded two young mid 90’s throwing arms under the age of 25 to Toronto for an aging Scott Rolen (because they wanted a veteran presence to help this playoff bound team?) A month ago, they put Edinson Volquez on the disabled list and he will be out for at least a year and a half. A year ago they traded their one draft “success” Adam Dunn, for Micah Owings and Owings is now on the disabled list. Three days ago they signed their first two draft picks Mike Leake and Brad Boxberger. If I were Leake and Boxberger, I would have called up an insurance agency on Tuesday morning to take out a large claim on my arm.
Yes, all these things just happened in just the last year in the Cincinnati Reds organization. The previous 20 years have been comparable. One would think that over the course of 20 years, you would have at least a couple of draftees that have turned out, or made some good moves to improve the organization, but it’s hard to see any improvements. Over 20 years of drafts and the highlights are Aaron Boone, Brett Tomko, Austin Kearns, Adam Dunn, Jeremy Sowers (whom they didn’t sign) and Joey Votto. We all know that the best of these guys are average at best. Adam Dunn is the highlight of 20 years of drafting. They have a possible decent young player in Votto and then draft Alonso in 2008 and he plays the same position.
The Reds have not drafted well, they have not made any free agent transactions to improve the team in the long term, and only have two trade successes (Brandon Phillips and Aaron Harang) in all this time. I’ll give them a pass for signing Ken Griffey Jr. since one couldn’t have predicted those injuries. However, that being said, committing all that money in to one player is never a great idea for a team that doesn’t generate the revenue of a New York or Boston. They also randomly throw a lot of money around on a player like Francisco Cordero who doesn’t really help the team long term. Transactions such as this prevented the team from drafting players that would cost over slot money. This cheap tradition has continued even up to this year when they drafted Mike Leake over the more expensive, more talented high school lefty Tyler Matzek.
They were given a gift in the resurrected Josh Hamilton and they turned him in to Edinson Volquez with a trade to the Texas Rangers. A potentially great young pitcher, whom scouts compared to a young Pedro Martinez. The Reds quickly tore apart his arm jumping him up to 196 innings pitched in his rookie year (age 24). Cueto was a little bit better managed moving from 160 innings in minor leagues to 174 in his rookie year (age 22), but now his arm is torn up as well. The only pitcher that has held up through their system has been Aaron Harang (who actually was in the Oakland farm system) and he, like the aforementioned Volquez and Cueto had his innings pushed up to 200 IP his first season in Cincinnati. It’s not just the innings that cause these problems, it’s letting these young men continue to throw when their bodies are struggling. This is in game management. Knowing when to give these young arms rest is something Dusty Baker has struggled with during his career. The Reds decided to hire him to help the team rebuild. Under the watch of Dusty Baker, many big time talents have been dismantled. These fallen men are Russ Ortiz, Shawn Estes, Kirk Rueter, Robb Nen, Jason Schmidt, Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, and now Micah Owings, Volquez and Cueto. Homer Bailey better take out an insurance policy along with Leake and Boxberger.
This once storied sports franchise has imploded by businessman owners making poor investment decisions rather than smart baseball decisions, hiring management that looks to save money rather than draft talent, spend large money on mediocre free agents, and hire management that is unable to manage young talented players. Finally, a baseball man, Walt Jocketty was hired as the GM in 2008. The rebuilding process has been a long time coming and the Cincinnati fans deserve something more for their city’s baseball history, but I can’t take his reign seriously until he dismisses Dusty Baker and develops a pitcher who doesn’t have surgery before the age of 25.
The Cincinnati Reds implosion can be viewed nightly at Great American Ballpark. You too, can go to fabulous Cincinnati to see such stars as Chris Dickerson and Laynce Nix and watch aspiring stars… um… Drew Stubbs. The Reds not only owe their fans a team worth watching, but they owe baseball itself. Baseball should not have to watch its original team be drowned in the tears of its fans. The legacy of the Big Red Machine is rusting in those tears. The talent is out there, the money is available, and the fans are waiting. It is time to bring Cincinnati back to glory. It is time for the Reds to take the rubble from this 20 year implosion, and like the hard working laborers of Cincinnati, build this franchise back up, brick by brick.
- J Filth
Shortly after the sale of Pete Rose, Mrs. Schott and Sweet Lou Piniella put together a winner in Cincinnati. In 1990, a surprisingly athletic, running team headlined by their 3 headed hydra of a bullpen, won the World Series. Steady players of their generation Barry Larkin, Paul O’Neill and Eric Davis were the stars, with a supporting cast of Chris Sabo and Mariano Duncan. The only ace of the staff was Jose Rijo. Tom Browning had a nice year, but was far from dominant. The playoffs were the place where the tri-fecta of Rob Dibble, Norm Charlton and Randy Myers would shine the Cincinnati sun in the eyes of the opposing batters. This was the Reds last great highlight, the city of Cincinnati is forced to look back positively on the departed Mrs. Schott, Schottzie and all of her bigotry. The last 20 years of Reds baseball has been one baffling blunder after another in terms of organizational management, and on field management.
Yesterday, Johnny Cueto was put on the disabled list. Two weeks ago, they traded two young mid 90’s throwing arms under the age of 25 to Toronto for an aging Scott Rolen (because they wanted a veteran presence to help this playoff bound team?) A month ago, they put Edinson Volquez on the disabled list and he will be out for at least a year and a half. A year ago they traded their one draft “success” Adam Dunn, for Micah Owings and Owings is now on the disabled list. Three days ago they signed their first two draft picks Mike Leake and Brad Boxberger. If I were Leake and Boxberger, I would have called up an insurance agency on Tuesday morning to take out a large claim on my arm.
Yes, all these things just happened in just the last year in the Cincinnati Reds organization. The previous 20 years have been comparable. One would think that over the course of 20 years, you would have at least a couple of draftees that have turned out, or made some good moves to improve the organization, but it’s hard to see any improvements. Over 20 years of drafts and the highlights are Aaron Boone, Brett Tomko, Austin Kearns, Adam Dunn, Jeremy Sowers (whom they didn’t sign) and Joey Votto. We all know that the best of these guys are average at best. Adam Dunn is the highlight of 20 years of drafting. They have a possible decent young player in Votto and then draft Alonso in 2008 and he plays the same position.
The Reds have not drafted well, they have not made any free agent transactions to improve the team in the long term, and only have two trade successes (Brandon Phillips and Aaron Harang) in all this time. I’ll give them a pass for signing Ken Griffey Jr. since one couldn’t have predicted those injuries. However, that being said, committing all that money in to one player is never a great idea for a team that doesn’t generate the revenue of a New York or Boston. They also randomly throw a lot of money around on a player like Francisco Cordero who doesn’t really help the team long term. Transactions such as this prevented the team from drafting players that would cost over slot money. This cheap tradition has continued even up to this year when they drafted Mike Leake over the more expensive, more talented high school lefty Tyler Matzek.
They were given a gift in the resurrected Josh Hamilton and they turned him in to Edinson Volquez with a trade to the Texas Rangers. A potentially great young pitcher, whom scouts compared to a young Pedro Martinez. The Reds quickly tore apart his arm jumping him up to 196 innings pitched in his rookie year (age 24). Cueto was a little bit better managed moving from 160 innings in minor leagues to 174 in his rookie year (age 22), but now his arm is torn up as well. The only pitcher that has held up through their system has been Aaron Harang (who actually was in the Oakland farm system) and he, like the aforementioned Volquez and Cueto had his innings pushed up to 200 IP his first season in Cincinnati. It’s not just the innings that cause these problems, it’s letting these young men continue to throw when their bodies are struggling. This is in game management. Knowing when to give these young arms rest is something Dusty Baker has struggled with during his career. The Reds decided to hire him to help the team rebuild. Under the watch of Dusty Baker, many big time talents have been dismantled. These fallen men are Russ Ortiz, Shawn Estes, Kirk Rueter, Robb Nen, Jason Schmidt, Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, and now Micah Owings, Volquez and Cueto. Homer Bailey better take out an insurance policy along with Leake and Boxberger.
This once storied sports franchise has imploded by businessman owners making poor investment decisions rather than smart baseball decisions, hiring management that looks to save money rather than draft talent, spend large money on mediocre free agents, and hire management that is unable to manage young talented players. Finally, a baseball man, Walt Jocketty was hired as the GM in 2008. The rebuilding process has been a long time coming and the Cincinnati fans deserve something more for their city’s baseball history, but I can’t take his reign seriously until he dismisses Dusty Baker and develops a pitcher who doesn’t have surgery before the age of 25.
The Cincinnati Reds implosion can be viewed nightly at Great American Ballpark. You too, can go to fabulous Cincinnati to see such stars as Chris Dickerson and Laynce Nix and watch aspiring stars… um… Drew Stubbs. The Reds not only owe their fans a team worth watching, but they owe baseball itself. Baseball should not have to watch its original team be drowned in the tears of its fans. The legacy of the Big Red Machine is rusting in those tears. The talent is out there, the money is available, and the fans are waiting. It is time to bring Cincinnati back to glory. It is time for the Reds to take the rubble from this 20 year implosion, and like the hard working laborers of Cincinnati, build this franchise back up, brick by brick.
- J Filth
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Are the 2009 Texas Rangers really the 2007 Colorado Rockies?
Yes, I am actually suggesting that the Rangers are World Series contenders. No longer will we wait for them to fade like an El Camino paint job in the Texas sun. You’ve heard it here first… The 2009 Rangers are the 2007 Rockies incarnate.
In 2007, the Colorado Rockies were a young and plucky team built around a strong core power lineup and young pitching potential. This gritty team ran off with the wild card, which is exactly what the 2009 Rangers are in line to get. Two different teams, two different years, and one outcome, the World Series.
Nolan Ryan and Mike Maddux have set up a staff in Arlington that should be able to compete for years to come. They are following the model of the 1986 New York Mets and 1991 Atlanta Braves. However, those teams had some more experience from their young starters. The model is something that most teams would like to follow, but rarely does it actually come to fruition and even more rare when it comes up with players in their early 20’s. With that said, the team we can compare these 2009 Rangers with is the young and powerful group of win-streaking players, the 2007 Rockies.
The Rockies had a power lineup based around veteran Todd Helton, flanked by the power of Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe while mixing in the all around bat of Matt Holiday. The Rangers have their own veteran in Michael Young. He is surrounded by the strength of Nelson Cruz and Hank Blalock and the all around bat of Josh Hamilton. Colorado had an up and coming shortstop in Troy Tulowitzki while Texas has 20 year old stud in waiting Elvis Andrus. Colorado had a strong middle infield with Tulowitzki and Kaz Matsui, while Texas has their own combo of Ian Kinsler and Elvis Andrus. Texas just trades a little plate patience for a little more power and speed. The stat lines are as follows:
Tulowitzki/Matsui: 28 HR, 136 RBI, 39 SB, and a .351 OBP.
Kinsler/Andrus (projected): 43 HR, 128 RBI, 66 SB, and a .328 OBP
These lineups are built around speed and power, mixing in young and old, and both are mashing in hitters parks. The lineups are not the most intriguing similarity, the real highlight of these two teams is the mirrored pitching.
Colorado had veteran Aaron Cook, young ace in waiting lefty Jeff Francis, young and steady Jason Hirsh, and a young ace in waiting righty Ubaldo Jimenez. Now, how about Texas? Well, I think we can just substitute names in the exact same sentence. Texas has veteran Kevin Millwood, young ace in waiting lefty Derek Holland, young and steady Scott Feldman, and a young ace in waiting righty Neftali Feliz. Feliz of course is not in the rotation yet, but these are very similar situations. They each have crafty veteran Mexican born starters in Rodrigo Lopez and Vicente Padilla. The spot starters are also comparable in Taylor Buchholz and Franklin Morales in Colorado to match up with Dustin Nippert and Tommy Hunter in Texas. Even the back of the bullpens, which are oh so important in the final months of the season are identical. Colorado had the left/right combination of Brian Fuentes and Manny Corpas and Texas has the left/right combination of CJ Wilson and Frank Francisco. The stat lines are as follows:
Fuentes/Corpas: 2.58 ERA, 39 SV, 114 K, 1.095 WHIP
Wilson/Francisco (projected): 3.26 ERA, 45 SV, 137 K, 1.16 WHIP
These pitching staff’s are setup around a veteran presence to go along with the team’s up and coming ace pitching. They were both stocked with hard throwing pitchers with downward plain fastballs to help in their hitters paradise parks.
When it comes to scheduling, the Rangers have the benefit of the Red Sox and the Rays fighting each other in the same division (along with the Yankees), while they get to play the Mariners and the Athletics. Not dissimilar to the 2007 Rockies who had the Braves and the Phillies fighting one another (along with the Mets) while they got to play the Giants and the Dodgers.
So, now that we see that the rosters of these two clubs are extremely similar, can the 2009 Rangers repeat what the 2007 Rockies did? The lineup, pitching staff, ball park and schedule all stack up the same between these two teams. There is no reason to doubt Texas’ ability to run along with the best of the American League. I doubted the Rockies back in 2007, but I have learned my lesson and am officially backing the Texas Rangers who are on their way to the 2009 World Series.
- J Filth
In 2007, the Colorado Rockies were a young and plucky team built around a strong core power lineup and young pitching potential. This gritty team ran off with the wild card, which is exactly what the 2009 Rangers are in line to get. Two different teams, two different years, and one outcome, the World Series.
Nolan Ryan and Mike Maddux have set up a staff in Arlington that should be able to compete for years to come. They are following the model of the 1986 New York Mets and 1991 Atlanta Braves. However, those teams had some more experience from their young starters. The model is something that most teams would like to follow, but rarely does it actually come to fruition and even more rare when it comes up with players in their early 20’s. With that said, the team we can compare these 2009 Rangers with is the young and powerful group of win-streaking players, the 2007 Rockies.
The Rockies had a power lineup based around veteran Todd Helton, flanked by the power of Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe while mixing in the all around bat of Matt Holiday. The Rangers have their own veteran in Michael Young. He is surrounded by the strength of Nelson Cruz and Hank Blalock and the all around bat of Josh Hamilton. Colorado had an up and coming shortstop in Troy Tulowitzki while Texas has 20 year old stud in waiting Elvis Andrus. Colorado had a strong middle infield with Tulowitzki and Kaz Matsui, while Texas has their own combo of Ian Kinsler and Elvis Andrus. Texas just trades a little plate patience for a little more power and speed. The stat lines are as follows:
Tulowitzki/Matsui: 28 HR, 136 RBI, 39 SB, and a .351 OBP.
Kinsler/Andrus (projected): 43 HR, 128 RBI, 66 SB, and a .328 OBP
These lineups are built around speed and power, mixing in young and old, and both are mashing in hitters parks. The lineups are not the most intriguing similarity, the real highlight of these two teams is the mirrored pitching.
Colorado had veteran Aaron Cook, young ace in waiting lefty Jeff Francis, young and steady Jason Hirsh, and a young ace in waiting righty Ubaldo Jimenez. Now, how about Texas? Well, I think we can just substitute names in the exact same sentence. Texas has veteran Kevin Millwood, young ace in waiting lefty Derek Holland, young and steady Scott Feldman, and a young ace in waiting righty Neftali Feliz. Feliz of course is not in the rotation yet, but these are very similar situations. They each have crafty veteran Mexican born starters in Rodrigo Lopez and Vicente Padilla. The spot starters are also comparable in Taylor Buchholz and Franklin Morales in Colorado to match up with Dustin Nippert and Tommy Hunter in Texas. Even the back of the bullpens, which are oh so important in the final months of the season are identical. Colorado had the left/right combination of Brian Fuentes and Manny Corpas and Texas has the left/right combination of CJ Wilson and Frank Francisco. The stat lines are as follows:
Fuentes/Corpas: 2.58 ERA, 39 SV, 114 K, 1.095 WHIP
Wilson/Francisco (projected): 3.26 ERA, 45 SV, 137 K, 1.16 WHIP
These pitching staff’s are setup around a veteran presence to go along with the team’s up and coming ace pitching. They were both stocked with hard throwing pitchers with downward plain fastballs to help in their hitters paradise parks.
When it comes to scheduling, the Rangers have the benefit of the Red Sox and the Rays fighting each other in the same division (along with the Yankees), while they get to play the Mariners and the Athletics. Not dissimilar to the 2007 Rockies who had the Braves and the Phillies fighting one another (along with the Mets) while they got to play the Giants and the Dodgers.
So, now that we see that the rosters of these two clubs are extremely similar, can the 2009 Rangers repeat what the 2007 Rockies did? The lineup, pitching staff, ball park and schedule all stack up the same between these two teams. There is no reason to doubt Texas’ ability to run along with the best of the American League. I doubted the Rockies back in 2007, but I have learned my lesson and am officially backing the Texas Rangers who are on their way to the 2009 World Series.
- J Filth
Childress could Use Somebody
Lyrics by The Kings of Leon
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Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.
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You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
And all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers undercover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
I've been roaming around always lookin down at all I see
Monday, August 17, 2009
Atlanta Braves Cyborg Armory Uncovered
Lil’ Tommy Hanson has thrown another gem for the Atlanta Braves. The man child struck out 7 over 6 innings, earning the eigth win of his young career. I’ve studied Lil’ Tommy’s movements carefully as he's matriculated towards Atlanta. I thought I was watching the simple birth of another Atlanta Ace. I couldn't have been more wrong.
It was only after I was able to see him pitch a live game that I realized what the difference was. Compelled by Hanson's indefatigable presence and enthralled by his icy stare, I took a deeper look at the Atlanta system. I uncovered nothing less than a stockpile of evidence, culminating with my inflitration of the Atlanta clubhouse and discovery of a secret project that Bobby Cox and John Schuerholz began as far back as 1988 and have advanced throughout the years towards the creation of a self-regulating biomechanical organism: the T-48.
You've read that right: TOMMY HANSON IS A CYBORG!
Way back in 1988, the home computer was just starting to gain momentum across the country. People were still playing the Oregon Trail on Apple II and the Nintendo home game system was hitting across all of America’s youth. Just as controllers were being plugged in to control Italian plumbers to save a princess and plastic guns being plugged in to learn how to hunt ducks, Bobby Cox was plugging in the right arm and left arm of John Smoltz and Tom Glavine, respectively. Once, in 1987 Phil Niekro accidentally walked in to the underground room in the Atlanta clubhouse and discovered this secret. Phil begged Bobby to turn his body in to this new cybernetic organism, but Bobby declined. Bobby knew it would be a dead giveaway if a 48 year old man, all of a sudden revived his career and started to dominate. This issue also led Bobby Cox to give the cybernetic organism’s only a 20 year battery life. So he began this series of events with Smoltz’s right arm and Glavine’s left.
Over the next handful of years, the project seemed to be working fine. He expanded this testing to some new arms due to John Schuerholz’s suggestion, which eventually led to new advances in the program. In 1990, Schuerholz asked Cox to expand this program to new pitcher Steve Avery, who had some great stuff in the minors, but could use an upgrade. He also asked Bobby to look in to taking some average arms and plugging them in to make them all-star caliber. Bobby did this with some reluctance. Steve put up a great couple years, as well as Kent Mercker, Mike Stanton and Mark Wohlers, but soon those bodies couldn’t handle what the arms were capable of. Cox and Schuerholz now realize that the program will not work turning average arms in to great ones without repercussions soon thereafter. The pitchers body will break down under the massive power of the cybernetic arm. The knowledge has been gained and the next step is advancement. This came in the form of Greg Maddux.
Now, 5 years from Cox’s first experiments, Greg Maddux moves over from the Cubs. He had shown with Chicago that he had the talent, but once he walked in to that Atlanta clubhouse, everything changed. Maddux (nicknamed the Doctor not because of his ability with pitch control, but because he became Cox’s volunteer assistant in the cybernetics division) allowed his own body to be the first to be completely rebuilt in the molds of Glavine and Smoltz arms. Maddux became completely cybernetic while Glavine and Smoltz continued to pitch well with just their arms receiving the upgrade. Maddux anchored the rotation, feeling no pressure from stressfull situations and not having any self doubt over any specific pitch being thrown. Having a cyborg anchor a playoff rotation proved valuable in the form of three World Series appearances, and four National League Championship appearances in the ten years Maddux was with the organization. While Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz were successful missions, other arms were experimented with, and some bodies as a whole as well. Jason Schmidt, Russ Ortiz and Kevin Millwood all had their bodies replaced, just as Greg Maddux. Some were able to hold up for a while, but without proper maintenance, they were unable to achieve the same success. Maddux achieved success after his days in Atlanta due to his ability to perform his own maintenance thanks to his days with Cox in the lab. Glavine eventually came back to try and work on the arm again, but the 20 year window closed on him. Smoltz had to shut it down for a year in order to rewire his arm and now his 20 year window is closing as well. There were failures as well, including Terry Mulholland losing all form of velocity he once had with an accidental absence of elbow wiring, John Burkett was given a defective shoulder muscle plate and John Rocker wanted to have his whole body done, but while attempting to give him the Greg Maddux fearless mind, some wires were crossed and the result was, well… John Rocker.
Over the last couple of years, Cox and new GM Frank Wren have redeveloped the cyborg system. They went back to what had started the successful run. They are taking young pitchers with natural talent and replacing their body structure with machine parts, having them become complete cyborgs, just like Greg Maddux before them. Jair Jurrjens, a fringe starting pitcher from the Tigers was craftily snagged for the aging Edgar Renteria and the Braves quickly transformed him with their new cyborg system. He throws the perfect mix of fastballs (61%), Sliders (15%) and Changeups (24%) with varying speeds. He shows no fear, despite having only a fringe fastball. He has a mound presence like the young Greg Maddux, painting corners of the zone with these varying speeds and sliding the ball out of the zone when the hitter is off balance. Currently, Tim Hudson is almost back from his arm replacement surgery. A year ago, Bobby suggested to Tim to have his arm done just like Smoltz had his redone in 2000. We will see how his new cybernetic arm works in another month. Derek Lowe and Javy Vazquez have yet to transform themselves and it’s possible they will decide not to, but one thing we do know is that the Braves are developing all of their internal talent with the cyborg program. Within the last two years, they have begun this procedure with position players as well. This new era of cyborg’s begins with Jason Heyward and Lil’ Tommy Hanson.
It wasn’t until just recently that I discovered this secret room underneath the Braves clubhouse. There is a switch under Chipper Jones spittoon that releases a hidden door behind the file cabinet in Cox’s office. In this passageway, there is a descending staircase with no hand railing but walls thin enough to touch the whole way down. At the base is a security code box, which I luckily guessed the pin was 1995. It was then that I saw Lil’ Tommy, in a glass case like a modern Dracula. Tubes were pumping oily liquids in to his body and his metal exterior reflecting like a hologram underneath the skin sheath. There were many more coffins, some designated names, others anxiously awaiting their future occupants. Detailed notes outlining this program were in three ring binders, sitting at a large metal desk in the middle of the tomb. Hanson, the T-48, was developed in the lab in 2006 and has shown no weakness since. Killing opposing teams at will. His K/9 is at 6.72 and climbing up to his average 10 K/9 throughout his minor league career. He has four pitches that he mixes well. The slider and changeup both hover around 82 mph, with one diving out of the zone just before the plate. He also has a buckling curve that he can throw for strikes or in the dirt that is 75 mph. Of course, he has the 94 mph fastball just to keep the opponents on their toes. He has the perfect frame and delivery point. This gives little stress on cybernetic body and therefore only minor maintenance is necessary to maintain this humanoid. Occasionally, his programming allows for the opponents to score, not unlike a slot machine. The problem for the opponents is that just like with slot machines in a casino, the house always wins. Lil’ Tommy Hanson is Bobby Cox’s masterpiece. His early work shines in the form of three Hall of Famers, but Hanson is the next generation system. Lil’ Tommy is the future of Braves baseball and a perfect blend of man and machine.
- J Filth
It was only after I was able to see him pitch a live game that I realized what the difference was. Compelled by Hanson's indefatigable presence and enthralled by his icy stare, I took a deeper look at the Atlanta system. I uncovered nothing less than a stockpile of evidence, culminating with my inflitration of the Atlanta clubhouse and discovery of a secret project that Bobby Cox and John Schuerholz began as far back as 1988 and have advanced throughout the years towards the creation of a self-regulating biomechanical organism: the T-48.
You've read that right: TOMMY HANSON IS A CYBORG!
Way back in 1988, the home computer was just starting to gain momentum across the country. People were still playing the Oregon Trail on Apple II and the Nintendo home game system was hitting across all of America’s youth. Just as controllers were being plugged in to control Italian plumbers to save a princess and plastic guns being plugged in to learn how to hunt ducks, Bobby Cox was plugging in the right arm and left arm of John Smoltz and Tom Glavine, respectively. Once, in 1987 Phil Niekro accidentally walked in to the underground room in the Atlanta clubhouse and discovered this secret. Phil begged Bobby to turn his body in to this new cybernetic organism, but Bobby declined. Bobby knew it would be a dead giveaway if a 48 year old man, all of a sudden revived his career and started to dominate. This issue also led Bobby Cox to give the cybernetic organism’s only a 20 year battery life. So he began this series of events with Smoltz’s right arm and Glavine’s left.
Over the next handful of years, the project seemed to be working fine. He expanded this testing to some new arms due to John Schuerholz’s suggestion, which eventually led to new advances in the program. In 1990, Schuerholz asked Cox to expand this program to new pitcher Steve Avery, who had some great stuff in the minors, but could use an upgrade. He also asked Bobby to look in to taking some average arms and plugging them in to make them all-star caliber. Bobby did this with some reluctance. Steve put up a great couple years, as well as Kent Mercker, Mike Stanton and Mark Wohlers, but soon those bodies couldn’t handle what the arms were capable of. Cox and Schuerholz now realize that the program will not work turning average arms in to great ones without repercussions soon thereafter. The pitchers body will break down under the massive power of the cybernetic arm. The knowledge has been gained and the next step is advancement. This came in the form of Greg Maddux.
Now, 5 years from Cox’s first experiments, Greg Maddux moves over from the Cubs. He had shown with Chicago that he had the talent, but once he walked in to that Atlanta clubhouse, everything changed. Maddux (nicknamed the Doctor not because of his ability with pitch control, but because he became Cox’s volunteer assistant in the cybernetics division) allowed his own body to be the first to be completely rebuilt in the molds of Glavine and Smoltz arms. Maddux became completely cybernetic while Glavine and Smoltz continued to pitch well with just their arms receiving the upgrade. Maddux anchored the rotation, feeling no pressure from stressfull situations and not having any self doubt over any specific pitch being thrown. Having a cyborg anchor a playoff rotation proved valuable in the form of three World Series appearances, and four National League Championship appearances in the ten years Maddux was with the organization. While Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz were successful missions, other arms were experimented with, and some bodies as a whole as well. Jason Schmidt, Russ Ortiz and Kevin Millwood all had their bodies replaced, just as Greg Maddux. Some were able to hold up for a while, but without proper maintenance, they were unable to achieve the same success. Maddux achieved success after his days in Atlanta due to his ability to perform his own maintenance thanks to his days with Cox in the lab. Glavine eventually came back to try and work on the arm again, but the 20 year window closed on him. Smoltz had to shut it down for a year in order to rewire his arm and now his 20 year window is closing as well. There were failures as well, including Terry Mulholland losing all form of velocity he once had with an accidental absence of elbow wiring, John Burkett was given a defective shoulder muscle plate and John Rocker wanted to have his whole body done, but while attempting to give him the Greg Maddux fearless mind, some wires were crossed and the result was, well… John Rocker.
Over the last couple of years, Cox and new GM Frank Wren have redeveloped the cyborg system. They went back to what had started the successful run. They are taking young pitchers with natural talent and replacing their body structure with machine parts, having them become complete cyborgs, just like Greg Maddux before them. Jair Jurrjens, a fringe starting pitcher from the Tigers was craftily snagged for the aging Edgar Renteria and the Braves quickly transformed him with their new cyborg system. He throws the perfect mix of fastballs (61%), Sliders (15%) and Changeups (24%) with varying speeds. He shows no fear, despite having only a fringe fastball. He has a mound presence like the young Greg Maddux, painting corners of the zone with these varying speeds and sliding the ball out of the zone when the hitter is off balance. Currently, Tim Hudson is almost back from his arm replacement surgery. A year ago, Bobby suggested to Tim to have his arm done just like Smoltz had his redone in 2000. We will see how his new cybernetic arm works in another month. Derek Lowe and Javy Vazquez have yet to transform themselves and it’s possible they will decide not to, but one thing we do know is that the Braves are developing all of their internal talent with the cyborg program. Within the last two years, they have begun this procedure with position players as well. This new era of cyborg’s begins with Jason Heyward and Lil’ Tommy Hanson.
It wasn’t until just recently that I discovered this secret room underneath the Braves clubhouse. There is a switch under Chipper Jones spittoon that releases a hidden door behind the file cabinet in Cox’s office. In this passageway, there is a descending staircase with no hand railing but walls thin enough to touch the whole way down. At the base is a security code box, which I luckily guessed the pin was 1995. It was then that I saw Lil’ Tommy, in a glass case like a modern Dracula. Tubes were pumping oily liquids in to his body and his metal exterior reflecting like a hologram underneath the skin sheath. There were many more coffins, some designated names, others anxiously awaiting their future occupants. Detailed notes outlining this program were in three ring binders, sitting at a large metal desk in the middle of the tomb. Hanson, the T-48, was developed in the lab in 2006 and has shown no weakness since. Killing opposing teams at will. His K/9 is at 6.72 and climbing up to his average 10 K/9 throughout his minor league career. He has four pitches that he mixes well. The slider and changeup both hover around 82 mph, with one diving out of the zone just before the plate. He also has a buckling curve that he can throw for strikes or in the dirt that is 75 mph. Of course, he has the 94 mph fastball just to keep the opponents on their toes. He has the perfect frame and delivery point. This gives little stress on cybernetic body and therefore only minor maintenance is necessary to maintain this humanoid. Occasionally, his programming allows for the opponents to score, not unlike a slot machine. The problem for the opponents is that just like with slot machines in a casino, the house always wins. Lil’ Tommy Hanson is Bobby Cox’s masterpiece. His early work shines in the form of three Hall of Famers, but Hanson is the next generation system. Lil’ Tommy is the future of Braves baseball and a perfect blend of man and machine.
- J Filth
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